Just Me, Myself and I

feeling a lil sad shared an event in my friend gc that i wanna go to on my bday and there was barely a response. i get if they wouldnt be free since its a weekday, but i wouldve appreciated if they said so instead of just silence...  im not that good at remembering bdays either but i already said it would be mine... hmm...  feeling a little bit bitter since theyre so quick to react to some new character in gi haha. at least my uni friends are free to spend my bday with me i love my friends and the bond we have, i just feel a little overlooked sometimes... is it bad i feel this way? even last year, only one of them wished me a happy birthday and i didnt wanna bring it up in the gc i talk big about wanting to make a gift for myself that i wouldve appreciated from someone else but i havent started on it at all lol. guess i should be doing that soon had yummy pasta. i put too much sugar in the sauce tho... 

sometimes i wonder if my parents regret having me. i think if they read this they would feel very hurt. but i can't help but wonder - was i worth all the pain and distress i caused them growing up? all the self inflicted problems i dug myself into, the times i drove my mother to tears until she couldn't help but just call my grandpa and cry. at one point in my life, i was a very difficult child. starting from that point in my life, i distanced myself from my family, thinking that they were all ashamed of me and that they knew what i put my mother through and disdained me for it. i still remember the time i refused to get out of the car to go to my aunt and uncle's house. my cousin had to step out and coax me outside, while my childish self was brewing with self-hatred and shame and guilt, thinking, why are you being kind? i don't deserve this. leave me alone. my cousin somehow managed to coax me out. i had hung my head in shame as my aunt and uncle conversed with my par...