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more rant

i dont really like my narrative design lect. hes fine enough i guess, but i just feel like he was a bit condescending towards me in class. idk if this is just a hormones thing or what but man i felt on edge the whole day since that class having a minor meltdown at lala lol i feel it is a little funny for a games design student to not have played much games before but. yanno maybe i just like the games i do play? theres nothing wrong with that. we never had a console at home, at most i would play pokemon on an emulator cuz thats what my brothers played. most of my childhood i spent reading novels and fanfics, not playing games. in fact my fanfic reading was so intense that i would miss school days. the other games i eould play were flash games on y8 or facebook but those dont exist anymore. the way he said like just because he didnt have a console at home he went to cyber cafes and borrowed relatives' consoles felt condescending to me. like bro what u want me to do? my kid self wasn...
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more random thoughts

feeling a lil sad shared an event in my friend gc that i wanna go to on my bday and there was barely a response. i get if they wouldnt be free since its a weekday, but i wouldve appreciated if they said so instead of just silence...  im not that good at remembering bdays either but i already said it would be mine... hmm...  feeling a little bit bitter since theyre so quick to react to some new character in gi haha. at least my uni friends are free to spend my bday with me i love my friends and the bond we have, i just feel a little overlooked sometimes... is it bad i feel this way? even last year, only one of them wished me a happy birthday and i didnt wanna bring it up in the gc i talk big about wanting to make a gift for myself that i wouldve appreciated from someone else but i havent started on it at all lol. guess i should be doing that soon had yummy pasta. i put too much sugar in the sauce tho... 
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Confession

 I've never had anyone who desired me romantically. Ever since I knew what crushes were, I've had countless crushes on different boys. They didn't even have to be particularly good-looking -- I've had crushes on boys who had simply said 'hi' to me or just be a kind person. In primary school, I feel like I switched crushes every few days. Of course, children get crushes all the time. The thing is that I've never been on the receiving end of one -- from back then until now.  I've always thought that it was because I didn't fit the beauty standard in Malaysia -- fair-skinned, large doe eyes, a petite figure. I was tan, with smaller eyes, and I was self conscious about my crooked teeth. The friends I made growing up all seemed to fit the beauty standard in some way. I always thought that in every friend group I was in, I would be the ugliest and therefore be able to make my friends look prettier. My best friend growing up seemed to have interested boys a...
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