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Confession

 I've never had anyone who desired me romantically. Ever since I knew what crushes were, I've had countless crushes on different boys. They didn't even have to be particularly good-looking -- I've had crushes on boys who had simply said 'hi' to me or just be a kind person. In primary school, I feel like I switched crushes every few days. Of course, children get crushes all the time. The thing is that I've never been on the receiving end of one -- from back then until now.  I've always thought that it was because I didn't fit the beauty standard in Malaysia -- fair-skinned, large doe eyes, a petite figure. I was tan, with smaller eyes, and I was self conscious about my crooked teeth. The friends I made growing up all seemed to fit the beauty standard in some way. I always thought that in every friend group I was in, I would be the ugliest and therefore be able to make my friends look prettier. My best friend growing up seemed to have interested boys a...
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Self-reflections

 Hello. It's been a while since I last came here, huh?  I used to love writing a lot. When I was younger, me and my siblings had to fight over whose turn it was with my mom's laptop, which she mostly used for work. On that laptop, I played pirated Pokemon games with emulators, surfed the web, played flash games on Facebook, and wrote. But the period I wrote the most was when I got my own laptop --- a gift from my mother for getting a good results in my UPSR exams. It was a cheap laptop, pink in color, and I loved it. The first thing I checked to see was if it had Microsoft Word installed. I was immediately heartbroken when there wasn't, and begged my mom to have it installed. In the meantime, I wrote on the default note application, wistfully thinking that I could have been able to access so many tools in the Microsoft Word application.  A while later, Word was installed in my little cheap pink laptop. I was thrilled, and I remember spending most of my time writing. Fanfi...
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more random thoughts

feeling a lil sad shared an event in my friend gc that i wanna go to on my bday and there was barely a response. i get if they wouldnt be free since its a weekday, but i wouldve appreciated if they said so instead of just silence...  im not that good at remembering bdays either but i already said it would be mine... hmm...  feeling a little bit bitter since theyre so quick to react to some new character in gi haha. at least my uni friends are free to spend my bday with me i love my friends and the bond we have, i just feel a little overlooked sometimes... is it bad i feel this way? even last year, only one of them wished me a happy birthday and i didnt wanna bring it up in the gc i talk big about wanting to make a gift for myself that i wouldve appreciated from someone else but i havent started on it at all lol. guess i should be doing that soon had yummy pasta. i put too much sugar in the sauce tho... 
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