Self-reflections

 Hello. It's been a while since I last came here, huh?

 I used to love writing a lot. When I was younger, me and my siblings had to fight over whose turn it was with my mom's laptop, which she mostly used for work. On that laptop, I played pirated Pokemon games with emulators, surfed the web, played flash games on Facebook, and wrote.

But the period I wrote the most was when I got my own laptop --- a gift from my mother for getting a good results in my UPSR exams. It was a cheap laptop, pink in color, and I loved it. The first thing I checked to see was if it had Microsoft Word installed. I was immediately heartbroken when there wasn't, and begged my mom to have it installed. In the meantime, I wrote on the default note application, wistfully thinking that I could have been able to access so many tools in the Microsoft Word application.

 A while later, Word was installed in my little cheap pink laptop. I was thrilled, and I remember spending most of my time writing. Fanfiction, random thoughts, ideas for stories, drafts, even grocery lists -- my hands couldn't stop. Before drawing became my true love, writing had me in the palm of its hand. I was always thinking about the next time that I could write, what I would write, all the stories I wanted to tell. I had a dream to publish my own novel someday.

I don't know when it became hard for me to write. It used to come as easily as breathing. Now, I tend to stare at the screen more than I actually write. Perhaps there are too many thoughts to put to words. Perhaps none of those thoughts felt worthy enough to commit to my nameless word document. Perhaps I had lost the whimsy of writing for the sake of writing, just to be able to look back one day and think, hey, I remember writing this! 

I used to keep logbooks that I would write my friends' birthdays in, the foreign language phrases I searched up using Google Translate, the Korean Alphabet my friend taught me, my opinions on the songs I liked, wedding dress ideas for my friends. It was filled with so much life and love. 

I don't really know where I'm going with this blog post. Maybe I'm lamenting the time I used to be able to write effortlessly. Maybe I'm just indulging in the long-lost whim of writing for the sake of writing.

Who knows?